Conflict, Harm and Abuse

Dynamic	Definition	Normal?	How to handle
conflict	a disagreement or misalignment between people, which could result in intense feelings and even arguments	yes	Approach the situation in ways that feel supportive, whatever that means for the people in the relationship.
harm	when your words or actions have a hurtful effect on someone else	depends on the context, as harm can happen unintentionally, incidentally, and/or purposely	Take responsibility by apologizing and minimizing the harmful behavior in the future.
abuse	when harm is caused repeatedly and compoundingly, exploiting the abused for gain	no	Hold yourself accountable for actions, unlearn abuse as a tactic, and learn safer ways of interacting.

How conflict, harm, and abuse overlap Abuse is when harm is caused repeatedly and compoundingly, exploiting the abused for gain.

If the same harm is caused again and again, without a dedicated approach to changing the behavior, it could be abuse. If the behavior is making another person feel regularly threatened, scared, or without autonomy, it could be abuse. If conflict is being stirred up purposely as an “excuse” to cause harm, it could be abuse.